Goodbye 2011

Disclaimer: On the day we blessed Zane, December 11, Luke teased me that I needed to share my testimony in the obligatory, "mother of the child being blessed" way. It didn't happen as I am afraid of microphones and Zane was hungry. No worries, as it was a fabulous meeting and very much themed around the Great Wind of 2011 as I like to call it. Anywho... my teary testimony is what this has turned out to be. You were warned.

The first day of the new year is now over and I can't believe that another has come and gone. So much has happened to us this last year and it is hard to believe how quickly it all happened. I have spent some time reflecting over the past year and I have so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to.

We have had such an amazing Christmas season and the highlight was definitely Christmas Eve with my in-laws. Michelle asked us to take turns sharing what the best gift that Christ gave us this year was. I knew immediately what my gifts were and couldn't keep my composure and started crying right away. Here is the extended version of what I shared with my family that night.

This is very near, dear and spiritual to me and it has taken me a....year... to be willing to share with the entire world wide web.

I spent the bulk of 2010 in prayer wondering why we were struggling with Luke finding the right job, in the right place and why wasn't this the right time? My prayers were answered, rather cryptically, it felt. The answer always came to trust in the Lord's plan and things will work out as it is intended. Well, that pretty much meant nothing to me so I prayed further to understand what exactly the Lord's plan was. My answer to those prayers and meditation in the temple came as a little spirit telling me that it was his time to join our family. I told the Lord that it wasn't possible! We didn't have a job, let alone the money for another baby! But, the answer was persistent.

Now here is where it gets personal and if you don't know me really well, you might think me a bit of a loon. That little spirit that kept telling me that it was time to join our family visited me. We didn't speak or anything, don't worry. But I could sense his presence and knew he was waiting for us. He came to me and sat near me and just let me know that he was there, who he was and waited for me to acknowledge him. It is hard to explain what this experience was really like and I am happy to elaborate in person. Just ask.

Then, each time we went to the temple I would have the overwhelming nagging feeling that I was knowingly not doing what the Lord was asking of me. I was not following the guidance to trust in the Lord and increase our family. Not good feelings, right? But how could I tell my unemployed husband, "Hey, I want to have another baby. You in?" Not a conversation I wanted to start.

November came and with that, Zach and Melanie's wedding. They will never truly understand the full impact of their temple ceremony on not just me, but probably ever other person in that room. After that sealing, I couldn't deny the Spirit any longer. I sought comfort and advice from my dear cousin and friend Kelly and she gave me the strength I needed to tell Luke what I had been feeling. And so I did. And his response was, "I know. I have been feeling the same way for a couple months but how is it possible?" Wha....? Not what I expected AT ALL! I was so overwhelmed with joy and now FEAR as we were accepting the assignment from our Heavenly Father to have that little spirit that had been bugging me (for over a year) join our family.

Now here is our miracle. We decided to go ahead and try to get pregnant and we did, rather quickly. But first, within 2 weeks of making the decision officially official, Luke received 4 job offers. Four! Centerville was the best choice at the most pay and the best part is that we didn't have to move and it is a small department with lots of growth potential so it all made sense.

And so began 2011 with all its twists and turns. Obviously, I got pregnant right away. Luke started working like crazy and life as we knew it changed. We moved in August and I can't believe the luck we had in being able to stay in our ward, on our street, with good friends and family so close. The highlight of our year was our little spirit who could not wait any longer to join our family. Our little Zane Christopher was born in October. Its strange to me still, but miraculous that his spirit is so familiar to me and I feel like I know him so well. He is a mover and a shaker, always has been, even when I was pregnant. He just can't wait to get going! I always tell him I know he has an important job in this life and that is why he couldn't wait any longer to get here and why he can't hold still. I don't know what it is, but I know he will do great things.

And for those who were wondering, Zane means God is gracious. And Christopher is not only a Merkley family name but means bearer of Christ. Fitting, no?

I truly have a testimony that the Lord will answer our prayers. We cannot forget the importance of heeding the promptings that we hear. We are continually being prompted and guided if we will just stay in tune with the Spirit. Guidance from the Spirit is not always life changing or earth moving. It comes daily, if we let it. We will see the hand of God in our lives if we know how to recognize it.

I read a sticky note at a house I used to clean that said,

How have I seen the hand of God reach out and touch me or my family today?

Did God send a message that was just for me?

What can I do to preserve that memory for the day I need to remember

how much God loves me and how much I need him?

At the start of this new year, may you recognize the hand of God in your life and remember how much he loves you and yours. I know we are loved as I cannot deny his hand and love in my life this past year. Merry Christmas to you and a joyous, happy new year.