I wish I had the courage to say all the things I have wanted to say over the years. There have been so many missed moments in my life when I should have said something, but didn't and maybe things would have turned out differently.
Tonight, as I was wandering on facebook, I came across a name I remembered and a face I did not. I pulled out the yearbooks, which everyone knows turns into too much time spent reminiscing. But this reminising made me sad. Sad for the friendships and relationships that 10+ years has worn. As a very small gesture, I would like to thank that amazing group of friends. Hopefully you know who you are and maybe keep tabs on me and maybe secretly blog stalk me. You know who you are.
I can't begin to describe the lost, small soul I was after my dad died in 1995, just before my high school years. Shortly thereafter, my Grandma died and my brother was in a life altering car accident. There was an indescribable hole in my life that I filled with amazing people. It was a time that could have gone terribly wrong, but I chose to fill it with the best people I could find. I don't believe I have ever told them how important our relationships were to me in a time where my life otherwise was very sad. I have huge, major holes in my memory (everyone in my family does) of that time and I have lost some things. But I remember friends who sat up with me all night, friends who let me say nothing, and that was enough. Friends who let me sleep over, just cause. Friends who would let me come to their houses and have all night dance parties, play, be silly,, laugh til we peed and help me forget.
I miss these friends. I miss being in their lives and I so deeply regret not staying closer to them. I feel so awkward, as time has passed, but want them to know how much they have meant to me. They helped shape me, put me back together and I don't think any of them realize it. Because I did not tell them. So, if you get a random thank you card from me, please open it, and write back.
To my friends... I love you. I miss you. Hope to see you again.
5 comments:
This has beautiful sentiment Megan. Love you.
well written and touching. thanks for sharing.
xo
thanks for making me cry
mel
I have to say that as I was reading your post it put me years back... I distinctly remember that hard time in your life and also remember feeling a silent connection with you as my Grandpa died that same exact year of ALS also. I actually had to just now call my Mom to verify the year, because it was such a fog for me as well and looking back I can't believe that was all in the same year. We had lots of good times too :)
What a beautiful post Megan. I think you should know that I have always admired the way that you and your mom handled everything that happened during that short period of time. You have always been a great example to me! Love you and miss you!
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